Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Journey Woes

The joy is in the journey, right?

Lately I've just found joy in Journey. They play "Don't Stop Believing" on a bunch of stations. It's on my iPod and it's on my Walkman. And it's been good. Really good. Because I need hope.

Actually, I need an endorphin slap.

Dear endorphins, I miss you. XOXO ~Riyanti

Life's full, exploding actually, like a muffin top. That's a good visual. Teaching an after school literacy class twice a week, working one night a week, taking calculus twice a week, teaching a homeschool class, homeschooling my own kids, watching/reteaching an extra kid, doing homework, being a track widow, church/women's ministry stuff, cooking, cleaning (tee hee)...

but very little running.

After about two months of pain, I finally went to the doctor. She suspected a hip flexor strain. I asked for a CT, suspecting a hernia or tear. The pain is very low on the left side. Actually the pain was radiating everywhere and I was swollen so it was hard to pin point. The CT scan said no hernias or hip joint damage. Score one for the doctor. As the swelling reduced the pain was restricted to one area. It hurt to lean against the sink to do dishes. It still hurts to sit for a long time. (Doesn't help to stay an extra hour after a 2.5 hour class to go over homework problems. I wasn't alone. There were many of us, leaving looking like zombies.)

I have fabulous running clothes that I want to wear. A new Nuu-Muu and CWX Stabilix capris. Comfy and cute. I have run in them very slow and very short distances. No pain. But slow and low. It's hard to see fellow runners and not be jealous or depressed. I am happy for them but I'm also jealous of no pain and running joy. Like gazelles. I do find joy in running. It's normally alone time outside. Dream combo.

Sometimes it comes over me in waves or like a blanket. The grief and loss. The stress of the day's schedule without the usual outlet. Sometimes I'm totally fine with it. This is a busy season and I'd hardly have the time. As I sit now icing as I do many times during the day, I remind myself that it's just a "season." Icing is nice by the way during these 80 degree spring days. As I stretch and do exercises, play outside with the kids, say "No, I can't pick you up," I remind myself that rest is best. Admittedly, it's been really hard.

So I may have to lock myself in the bathroom more often or take the dogs on more walks where even they think we are going slow, I'll "hold on to that feeling" as Journey so aptly puts it until the feeling again becomes a reality.

8 comments:

  1. At least the swelling went down? Ugh! This just sucks. I feel sad seeing other people out running... when I have already run that day! It's tough! Just keep going slow! :) You'll get better!

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    1. Thanks Kim! It is getting better. And that's not just me willing it :) With this fabulous weather, I want to get out too. Just took the dogs out, btw.

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  2. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can heal quickly without getting TOO discouraged in the meantime...

    thinking of you...

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    1. Bobbi, me too! Can you change your thoughts into healing powers? I'm just running through you.

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  3. Hope to see you out running soon. Sorry if my posts deepen your sorrow. Dave

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    1. Dave, you do not deepen my sorrow. I'm so excited for you. It has been a joy to see you take off in running. I'm already cheering you for your first marathon. You'll see me soon. And, I love your encouragement on dailymile :)

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  4. People who do not run do not understand the pull of the road. I started running (in my little white reeboks) when I was 14 years old. I turned 40 in November and this year I will open my season with a 12k, then run 5 half marathings and a full by October. Running is my sanity, it rescues me, and is my place to be all that I am in my minds eye (yes I really am Kenyan :)). There is nothing worse for us than to have that escape interfered with, interrupted, or taken away.

    As any runner knows- there are no words and nothing to make you feel any better about what you are experiencing- yup, there it is,the road- that pull, it's the only thing that can scratch the itch.

    Take care and speedy recovery....

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    1. Thanks for you encouragement. I have healed well! A few weeks ago I finished Grandma's Marathon, taking it easy. I trained purely by feel running only when feeling good. Now I'm enjoying running, getting stronger and prepping for a fall marathon. I hope your running year is going well. I turn 40 this year as well. I'm pretty excited about it!

      Running is my sanity, it rescues me...well said! Happy run :)

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