I feel stress all around my body but it is most often manifested in my face, particularly my chin. Depression I feel in my arms. I learned that many many years ago when breaking off an engagement. At that time I felt so manipulated and that I lost so much: trust, friends, and some self-respect. My arms ached for about a month.
Coming home with our son was such an adjustment. My in-laws were with us for a week, and shortly after they left my husband went back to work to a packed week. Settling in to a schedule was tumultuous. Let me be very clear, our son is adjusting really really well, almost picture perfect, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been difficult.
|Toddler says, "Everything is mine and I will put it wherever I want."|
One of the things that I didn't expect to be so hard was the 24/7 attachment process. I mentally knew it, but I didn't physically know it. Unlike my bio girlios where I felt I could get a sitter, and the girlios would still know that I am their mom, weeks and months of attaching could get exhausting, especially when meals and bedtime were stressful too. Before my son came home, we were out of the strollers, diapers, and naps phase. I enjoyed more 'free' time than I knew. Keeping up with the house post adoption was just not happening. My son got my attention. My girlios had to adjust to him and getting less attention. There were times that I felt more exhausted than I should, and my arms ached. It was another adoptive mom who brought up the blues, and it resonated with me.
I read a few books on our trip to China. One of the books that I read most of, and it really resonated with me was "The Happiness Project." I'd like to finish it, but we'll see when that happens. I love that she makes tangible goals in the book. I wrote myself a list of things I want to do long term and short term. I set some goals. It gave me perspective. Exercise, particularly running, has been an important part of my physical, emotional and mental health. I was finally at a point post physical therapy that I could run again and now when I needed it I was too tired to go out. My arms ached. My super supportive husband gets it. I love him for it. I joined a group class and have run a few times. I gave up on the house, reminding myself of toddler life long ago, and gave myself some grace.
I'm getting better. We are getting better. We are a family. There are still bumps in the road, and some of them smart. We feel like a family. I still have to remind them that I am the mom, but I've done that everyday I've been a mom. They are my favorite people.