Kids & Mud

So a few weeks ago, a gal from the running club asked if anyone could take her spot for the Dirty Girl Mud Run. I took the spot and 'ran' with a stellar group of gals through the dirt. Our kids came to spectate, and my girlios were hooked. Playing in the mud is a kid's dream. They asked me to find a mud run for them. The Columbia Muddy Buddy race was today, and there was a special race just for the kids, the Mini Muddy Buddy.

The starting line

I've been trying to get my girls involved in running for a while. My oldest thinks it's just too much work. My girlios did a kids run a few years ago after one of my first half marathons, and my oldest said, "I'm never doing that again." My girlios love biking. My youngest, at four, can put in a couple of miles. My oldest has paced me around the neighborhood for 7+ miles with just one gear on her bike. Why would they want to run?

Mud changed everything.

They've been talking about the Mini Muddy for weeks. "Is it today?" "Can we get our stuff ready?" Since we've signed up my oldest has even asked to do a 5K with me. The girls have run as well as biked. They ask if the runs I am looking into have a kids race. The power of mud.

I do a lot of races during the year. I decided to volunteer us before the Mini Muddy Buddy. It was nice for me to be on the giving rather than the taking side for an event. It takes about an hour to drive down to Gilberts, Il, and after arriving at about 8:30 we made our way to the volunteer tent. We were put right to work in the registration tent handing out shirts and bags. My two oldest rocked. They kept up with the long lines handing out bags for almost two hours. And they took pride in their work. My youngest was tired and got clingy early. She did help me hand out the Mini Muddy shirts. One-by-one the girlios' blood sugar dropped, youngest first and then each older girl got glassy-eyed. They had bagels on the way, and we had protein bars still in the car. After two hours the registration line died down, and I was given permission re-energize the girlios. Before their race the girls had time to piddy, hydrate and snack. They were ready.

It was hot by noon. Really really hot. The kids were lined up by waves. The 4-to-6-year-olds had to have a parent with them so the littlest girls and I were front and side. The course is small for older kids, but just right for the little ones. There were saw horses, tires, a ground crawl, a climbing wall and the mud pit. My oldest started late enough that we were able to see her off as well as see her finish.

My youngest who does sand angels at the park stepped in the mud pit and flipped out. What?! I was crawling through the mud watching my two youngest walking through the mud. They had no desire to crawl once they put their hands in it. It was not going as planned. My middle child tried kicking mud on me. Um? No. If you're not crawling, you don't get to fling. My youngest started crying in the mud pit and didn't stop until we got in the lake to wash off. The mud in her shoes wigged her out. And she wailed. The mud dried on her legs. And she wailed. People were looking at her. She looks strained in her picture. However the moment she got in the lake she wants to go swimming, virtually erasing the mud memories. By the time we got home, she wanted to do another mud run.

This is not the face of joy

My other two girls loved the race. Everybody had a great time walking and washing in the lake. I almost lost my shoe. And a sock. We were some happy wet dirty girlios.

Still some weeping but the lake is just steps away...

The ride home was long, and we were on the hunt for a shake, which sounded fabulous. We had been outside for six hours. A shake sounded fabulous. Doesn't it?  There was great rejoicing when we finally found a McDonald's nearly an hour later, and my youngest finished a whole medium strawberry shake in no time. She may have been hungry. I finished mine pretty quick too. Everybody perked up.

The girlios wore their shirts all evening. They want to wear them again tomorrow. My oldest wore her medal for the rest of today too. She said that this was her first real medal.

They're hooked. Mud is powerful.

Minding the Gap

It's been quiet on the blog lately. We've had a big spring here at home. I've just had the chance to start to process. So join me if you will on working it through.

If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one. ~ Mother Teresa

 

Just about three weeks ago we dropped off our first Safe Family placement. We had the little girl, S, here for four months. It was a wild ride. The last couple weeks has been bittersweet. There's a gap in our house, and we can feel it. One of the girlios misses nap time, the quiet time in the afternoon. Another girlio has reminded me that S is her best friend. The house has also been quieter and calmer and less stressful.

She turned three here. We had a birthday party for her. She grew and flourished in our home. In her young life she has been seen homelessness, food uncertainty, mental illness, poverty, abandonment and addiction. It's a lot for a little life to carry. She has a great survival instinct and overall a very cheery personality. She's a fighter, for good and for bad.

I wish I could say that it was fantastic. It wasn't. It was hard and great at the same time. To their credit, my girlios were amazing. They loved, flexed, showed grace and took her in as a sister. S missed her mom and was angry about it. She felt comfortable enough around us to show her feelings. It was good for her growth because she could vent and learn to control some of her emotions. It was hard on us because of the physical nature of her emotional outbursts. I don't think she was used to boundaries. It's hard on everybody to catch up on those.

She came in February. It was cold and snowy. My girls love snow. S didn't exactly know what to do. We taught her how to play, that it was okay to play, and that it was okay to get dirty. The first time we took her to the park I took for granted that kids play at the park. She didn't want to step in the mulch. She didn't play in the sand. She didn't climb or slide down the slides. When she left in June she did all the things kids should do at the park. She slid, climbed and played with sand. I believe strongly that kids need to play for development. She loved being outside.

She tried new foods. She tried new things. She had new experiences. We took her on vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains. We took her to Pittsburgh to visit my sister. She loved going to soccer practice, and we got her her own ball. She showed some delays, but she also showed that she was capable of catching up. She could carry a tune better than all of us in the family combined.
She is highly verbal and often it made my eyes twitch. She couldn't track with all the words in a sentence that was said. It was hard. It took us a while to figure out that if she repeated the sentence after us she could understand what we were saying. She wanted to be prayed over every night. I still pray over her, and I think of her everyday.

My sister-in-law recently adopted her 24th placement. After walking in her shoes just this one time, I admire her even more. She's my hero. Talking through some things with her was so helpful.

So what did we learn?

We learned that sharing, really sharing, especially the things we love the most is hard. We love our family, so much, and sharing them was difficult. We learned to dig deep. And at points we learned we were pretty sucky at sharing. More than once we prayed for strength, grace and help, sometimes in tears.

We learned about love as an action word. We want to love and be loving. That takes action and faith to step out. So many people have encouraged us and told us what an amazing thing we were doing. I don't feel amazing. I do feel we made choices to live as we believe. Taking those steps of faith, day-in day-out loving is hard. We were blessed but growing involves stretching, tearing and healing. We learned about love.

So would we do it again? Yes and no. More to come. Our story isn't over, but you'll just have to wait.

The Comeback Queen and her Merrython: Grandma's Marathon

I was injured. I didn't think I would be able to even run Grandma's Marathon. I didn't think I would even be able to run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in May. I was way undertrained. I didn't run more than three days a week for training. More often than not I ran two days a week and when I put in my 20 miler, that's the only run I did that whole week. My top weekly mileage up to the marathon was 24 miles. That's less than the marathon itself.

Just call me the Comeback Queen.



When all was said and done, I finished the marathon in my worst time (5:17:22), but I had the best time. Several things contributed to this. I resest my goals, I went with the best people and I let myself walk.

My goal was to make the marathon my merrython. That involved letting my competitive side take a rest. It's hard for me. I'm slow and normally end up as road kill on a regular day, but I'm still competitive. I knew I had to go easy with my groin pull. That just sucks to write. Nobody wants a groin pull. I have IBS too. Irritable bowel syndrome. I attract illnesses and injuries with embarassing names.

On my first marathon, I kept to Hal Higdon's training plan like glue. On this marathon I trained by feel. If I hurt, I rested. Life had exploded anyway with the extra child and taking classes. Time and health were not on my side. After my first marathon my body hurt so bad. I knew from doing several half marathons that my body gets used to the distance and the run doesn't hurt so bad. I wanted to finish this marathon feeling good or better. On my last marathon in Milwaukee I was injured during the run. I felt pretty crappy for a few weeks. Stupid porta potty. Can't you make them for short people? I digress.

Girls weekend! Loved it.

Bobbi invited anybody and everybody to Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, Mn. She talked up the course. Originally, my friends Carrie, Chris and I were going to stay about an hour and a half away in Hayward. I was going to bring the family. They were going to come and watch. In the end it was a girls weekend and our friend Yvonne came up too. Chris was course marshalling. Carrie and Bobbi came to break 5 hours and Yvonne came to qualify for Boston. I came to finish. You don't get a shirt until you finish the marathon. I wanted that shirt, and the medal to go with it.

We had so much food in the room we could have lived there for a week. I told hubs I would eat wisely before the race. I did have fries. I got chastised later. Early to bed for race day.

Marathon morning - Chris took the picture before we headed to the buses.

Duluth takes its marathon seriously. The whole town of Duluth seems to support the marathon. Retailers and restauranteers wear shirts. The spectators are out in full force. The race is very well coordinated. The buses are well coordinated to take you out to the start. The porta potty line was ridiculus but we all made it through. I was in the stall during the National Anthem ("What?" you say, "you didn't stand?!" umm...no) and missed the airplanes flying overhead. It did rock the porta though, felt totally X-Files.

Grandma's is a point to point course. The fans don't really come out until mile 18, which is really when you need them. The weather was really up in the air. We had gotten an email earlier in the week about possible red flag conditions, which pretty much says prepare for death but not as much as black flag which says death is running behind you and gaining. When the race started it was a green flag start, but it was still hot and muggy. The course opens up to the lake every once and a while, and it is very soothing. I loved the scenery. I didn't love watching so many people pit stopping on the course sans portas.  I carried a lot of stuff on this race. I had my just-in-case water, gu, stinger gels, electrolyte tablets, and my ipod. I didn't want to bonk, and I have found that B vitamins help me a lot. I even took an electrolyte tablet at the finish, and I think that it helped me recover.

The hubs and I worked out a plan to keep my legs from giving out. The first water station was at mile three. I had a watch with a time and would rest for one minute at the water stop. There were water stations every two miles until mile 20 when they were every mile. We planned to spend the first three water stations taking a minute rest, two minute rest for the next three stations, etc every two miles. If I needed more rest later, I would take it resetting my watch for a minute longer. It would mean I would get the rest I needed when I needed it, later in the race.

The first half went really well for me. The rests seemed long. I gu-ed starting at mile six and planned to have a gel every five miles. The temperature during the race dropped. The front came through and a strong breeze pushed us forward every once in a while. It actually got cold. I love running in the cold. I was surprised to find out the my hands were cold because at the time I hadn't mentally put together that it was cold. It took me while to figure out. It sunk in when one of the runners had her arms in her shirt and was looking on the side of the road for stray long sleeve shirts. When she found one, she put it on. Spectators were wearing heavier clothes. I figured it out.

At mile 15 I thought I might need some tunes to help me through. However, after digging out my tunes the ipod said that the battery was dead. I checked it the previous night. I've been having some trouble with it lately when turning off. It must have drained itself out. I was mad but resisted the desire to throw it out. I really wanted to. I had to reenergize myself.

I was doing really well. Somewhere in my mind I got ambitious. I thought perhaps I could break five hours again. Competition reared its head. Then at mile 17 I saw people crowding around a man. He was wrapped in foil blankets. Someone is holding his legs, and he was seizing. As I passed him I saw that he had an oxygen mask on, and I started crying. I could hear ambulances for the next mile. Nobody signs up for a marathon to get taken away in an ambulance. It spooked me. I had done three previous marathons and been fine. It still spooked me.

By mile 20 I was still on course for a 5 hour marathon. However, I had to use the facilities at mile 21. Putting my compression capris on after the pit stop was like Ross putting on his leather pants in Friends. It took me a mile to get readjusted, and I could have easily strained myself. There is only one large hill on the course at mile 22. After seeing the guy at mile 17, I gave myself permission to walk it. I generally am not a walker. I love a good hill. Seriously. The hill was long, and I did feel a little guilty especially when the spectators were trying to encourage us on.

I was hitting the wall. I knew I was going to finish, but I didn't care how long it took me to get to the finish. What I didn't know until later was that I forgot to take my mile 21 gu. My sugar levels were tanking. I was doing a lot more walking. Around mile 23 I took my last gu thinking it wouldn't any good. It did. I was able to run in the last mile and felt good about it. Chris was course marshalling at 25.5 mile. I missed her. I've never needed the foil blanket before after a marathon. At Grandma's I did. It was crazy cold. In fact it started raining, hard. Blah. I felt bad for everybody left on the course.

At the finish I found out that Carrie broke 5 hours, Yvonne was just shy of her Boston goal, and Bobbi's tummy didn't want to race that day. She didn't finish, but the following week she kicked some bootie at another marathon.

We didn't stay long at the end of the marathon. It was cold and yucky, but they had a whole tent for blister relief. It was awesome. People who wanted to take care of my oooky feet. The rest of the weekend was nice too. We had the best pizza - a baked potato pizza. We watched random bad television, had facials and chillaxed. I ate a disproportionate amount of chocolate. Overall, a great weekend with great people and a great race.

Now I can really start running for the year...

Fresh Mango Salsa

Get a recipe. Get a story. Feel free to scroll down to the recipe. I'm not offended; this recipe is yummy. As in, it doesn't last 24 hours, yummy. I'm going to have some just as soon as I finish this post. Since it's mango season, we have had it several times in the past few weeks. Enjoy it for Memorial Day!

Here's how the recipe found its way into our life. My nephew, Joe, and his wife live outside of Indianapolis. He's about eight years younger than I am. It has taken us about a decade for our lives to intersect. He and his wife have four kids. We brought our four kids with us on the way to the Great Smoky Mountains. We stayed two nights on the way down and a night on the way back. On our first night, Christy and I made this salsa. And we talked. It was probably the first time we have ever really talked. It was a spark for many conversations together. Along with motherhood, our faith and fitness, her mother had just passed away, adding to the things we had in common. We got to know each other.

Our kids played well together, and then later in the night all four adults ate way too many chips and salsa while talking, getting to know each other for the first time. Let it be established that I can eat chips until I vomit. I stopped myself. Our visit was one of those sweet sweet times, almost magical, when family becomes friends. And you know what? I like Joe, Christy and fam. I like them a lot. I can't wait to visit them again. (Calling, I've already established, is terrible for me) Christy and I made fresh mango salsa. Brandon and Joe made a large hunk of grilled meat. Good times.

Warning! This salsa smells up the fridge. You better eat it fast :)

Mango Salsa

4-5 ripe plum tomatoes chopped

1 small red onion chopped

2 ripe mangoes cubed

2-3 cloves minced garlic

2-3 tablespoons freshly chopped cilantro

1 tablespoon olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

juice of one lime

Chop it up, mix it up and then let the ingredients mingle together for 30 minutes in the fridge.

Sometimes the salsa needs friends. I suggest these...

The twist of lime is a bit strong; add more salsa.

Getting a plate right now! Enjoy.

Hot Stuff at the Pittsburgh Half Marathon

We were left for Pittsburgh on Friday morning. It's 9.5 hours without breaks. With four kids in the car, it's eternity. My stepmom and my sister were in the front. I am so thankful that my stepmom drove. On Thursday night I had my last exam for calculus. I have found over the four exams that I'm stressed the week before the exam. I do well on the tests, but I'm stressed about it. It's a bummer. What's an even bigger bummer is having to finish packing after the exam. It's a night class. The kids were so excited that they didn't go to sleep until I came home, and they woke up early. Did I mention that the car ride is an eternity? Overall, the kids were good both there and back.

Ran with my new Ruu Muu - loved packing just two Gus and tissues into back pockets

Last year I did the Pittsburgh Marathon with my stepsister, Heidi. This year my stepsister, her husband and I ran the half. It was Andy's first race and Heidi's first half. She skipped right to the full and tapered to the half. There is no shame in the half. I love that I can finish a half and be almost my normal self. Stairs, picking up the kids and playing with them is all doable. This time I got a nap in. Tee hee. When asked in the afternoon my little one said she wanted me to lay down with her. Total win.

Picking up our race packets was uneventful. The race shirt is a very nice white V-neck, definitely wearable. The expo is small, and there's an ice cream sampling table. Yes, I stopped, and it was good. I don't care that it's before noon.

We left for the race at 5:30 am. There was a bright full moon, and the weather was cool. The previous Saturday morning in Illinois at soccer it was 44 degrees. Cold. There was a frost advisory. We had been checking the weather forecast periodically for Pittsburgh, and it was oscillated between 60 and 80. Not weather I was prepared to handle. Thankfully, I went on a short run earlier in the week when the weather was on the rise. It was 77 degrees and it was also my only run in two weeks. I had pushed run frequency from two times per week to five too early and my groin pain resurfaced. Rest is best. In the days before the race, I was finally able to pinpoint my pain. Thankfully, I also had looked up some stretches for that area because I used them during the race, and it saved me.

Last year, there was 20,000 people in the half and the full. When the two races split at mile 10 last year, the roads were clear for the full. This year the race magazine said that 25,000 people were in the half and the full. That's a pretty big increase, and I'm betting most of them were in the half. We got parked and were able to walk to the start easily. We waited in the lines for the potties. There were ample potties and ample people. Lines moved slowly. The girl behind us in line asked her friend why the lines were so slow. "What is taking them so long?" Um, I could draw you a diagram. Or you could just wait until your turn and see for yourself.

Gear check was more organized than last year. I decided to put my sunglasses in my gear bag and regretted it pretty early on in the race. I also wished I brought my visor. I put my jacket in the gear bag and was just cool.

Heidi and Andy all finished

It was then time to make our way to our start corrals. Andy was in corral B. I was in corral D and Heidi in E. I guess I was a little cocky when I signed up. I decided I would start with Heidi in E, the last corral. It was packed. We met some very nice people on our way to the corral. We didn't make it to our corral by the start of the race at 7:30. People were gate jumping into corrals. Volunteers were not to happy about this. It was packed. And then I got hot. The sun was up, and there were people everywhere. Sun heat and human heat. We entered the corral at the very back and walked slowly up to the start. We were behind the 2:30 half pacer and the 5:00 marathon pacer. The 5:00 pacer Marie is awesome by the way. She's the neatest lady. If it wasn't so stinking hot and long, I might have paced with her.

It was 15 to 20 minutes for us to walk to the start. My goal was simple. Finish with a smile. With my injury, I knew I wasn't PRing. I also didn't know if I'd have to walk part of it. Under 2:30 would be nice, but first goal was a smile. Enjoy it. Heidi took off pretty early passing the pacer. Since there were so many people and it being hot, walkers were all over the road. It didn't feel like there was room to run. It was like frogger. It was shady at the start, and then the streets opened up. The sun came up, and the heat began to radiate from the roads. At the first water station, I worried about the fluid situation. The had run out of Gatorade at the first stop, and there was only water. Were the race directors ready for the heat? It got better. Both Gatorade and water were available at each station after. They did have trouble keeping up with the volume. Sometimes, people were just taking their cups to refill them from Gatorade to water.

There were some great bands on the course. Some picked great racing songs. One band I remember played a dirge piece. Really? Not super helpful. The spectators in Pittsburgh are great. So many people came out to cheer us all on. The bridges, which are really man-made hills, had people cheering at the crests, some with music of their own. To go along with my goal, I decided to high-five as many people as I could. I high-fived an entire ROTC group. I crossed a road to high-five two guys during a stretch when I was tired. They commented happily about how I came across the road. I also wanted to be the runner on the course who thanks as many volunteers as she passes. I even got a chance to cheer on the first woman marathoner as she finished (as I finished the half).

The only time I felt as though I was going to lose it was along the road by the Duquesne Incline, which is in almost every trig/alg 2 math textbook as a story problem. There was very little shade and the sun was beating down on me. I wish I had my visor or sunglasses. That was right about mile 8.

The miles flew by to me. I had to stretch out my leg between mile 7 and 8. I was so surprised by how good I felt. I didn't realize I was slowing down. Between mile 9 and 10 the 2:30 pacer caught up with me. I had passed her at mile 2. I made the choice to not let her out of my sight. It was a struggle to keep up, and then boom, it was mile 11. If you have run a half marathon before, you know that if you get to 11 you can get to the end. It's a mental milestone. I couldn't believe it was almost done. Thankfully the last mile is almost all downhill. I could actually see the finish line at mile 12 and couldn't believe it. Wow! I was going to finish running the whole thing, except the water stops.

It was eerie to finish listening to the sounds of ambulances echoing through the streets. Heidi said that 100 people were looked after by the medics and 20 taken to local hospitals. It was crazy at the end. When finishing a 5 hour marathon, there are not very many people at the finish. There were tons of people at the end of a respectable half marathon time (2:27:32). It was a mad house. The finish was organized but very full.  I found Heidi and Andy after some shuffling. I tried to get a bag of ice, but that proved too difficult so we headed home. The kids had a great time playing while we were away, and we all got a chance to enjoy some family time before the long drive home.

Sweet Medal - Met My Goals

Catching Up

In reading other people's blogs, I've learned that I'm a terrible blogger. I have several posts floating around in my head. The time it takes to get them out of my head is longer than the time I have. I have great respect for the bloggers that post every day. Right now, it's not me. So I'll blog as my schedule allows. And honestly if it's a choice between blogging and running, I tell you about the run later.

So on my time off, my mandatory vacation, on the injury list, I did a lot of nothing, for at least a week. The pain localized, felt like a stitch healing and then just became a "feeling." I can still feel it or think I can. I'm very sensitive to it. As a family we hiked through the Great Smoky Mountains during spring break. With little girlios, it didn't demand a lot from me except patience. I ran a few times there. The hills were good for me. Lately, I've been adding mileage.

Last week I ran 23 miles. Five days a week. Too much. I'm back to resting. The previous week I ran 20 miles in just two runs, a 9 miler and an 11 miler. I felt pretty good that week, great actually. Last week's long run left me with "the pain." This week I'm going back to two or three days. I'm feeling it out.

The Pittsburgh Half Marathon is in a week and a half. I'll finish it. I won't be pretty or a PR, but with enough rest, it will be fun. I'm still undecided about Grandma's Marathon in June, leaning toward a DNS. Unlike my last three marathons, which I completed within a 13 month span and adhered strongly to my training plans, sometimes exceeding the mileage, this one, if I choose to do it, will be by feel. It could go very badly. If I push, it could go even worse. My mind has shifted to the Omaha Marathon in September. I'm excited about that one. One of my dearest dearest friends lives there. She's one of those friends that taught me just by being who she is as a person and a mother. I'm a terrible correspondent, really a terrible long distance friend. I don't call, barely write and just wish thoughts were transferable because I think of her and her family often. I'm excited to visit, catch up and see her new town on foot.

So many friends are doing races in these next few weeks. I'm so excited for them. Some are running their first marathons or first halves. Exciting. All healthy or close. It's invigorating. The energy at races makes me smile. For the first time, I'm injured. Injured enough to know that it's going to be a while until I get back to everyday running. Between the excitement are pangs of envy. I feel like the little sister who wants to catch up but can't. My injury doesn't lend itself to riding bikes or walking. Long strides are killer. I'm hesitant to do a DVD with a variety of exercises. It's a very mellowing injury. As the general population would be happy running twice a week, I can't wait for something more. When summer comes, I want to move! Snow in the forecast this weekend reminds me that the weather still has a ways to go, just like me.

One thing I do know about little sisters, with four girlios in the house, is that catching up is possible. It's just a matter of time. While in the Great Smoky Mountains this spring break, I took off down the trail calling my girls to follow. I took my pace easy because I'm injured. G1 and G2 ran with me. There was great crying between G3 and G4 in falling behind with Dad. To my great surprise, G2 surpassed G1 and me. And she sustained it. I would not have made that bet from the previous summer. She had no desire to catch up, and now a season later, her legs stretched.

I hope the same for myself. For this season, I'll watch and heal, readying myself to catch up and hopefully take flight.

Just taking everything in stride, like my race day shirt says.
.

Journey Woes

The joy is in the journey, right?

Lately I've just found joy in Journey. They play "Don't Stop Believing" on a bunch of stations. It's on my iPod and it's on my Walkman. And it's been good. Really good. Because I need hope.

Actually, I need an endorphin slap.

Dear endorphins, I miss you. XOXO ~Riyanti

Life's full, exploding actually, like a muffin top. That's a good visual. Teaching an after school literacy class twice a week, working one night a week, taking calculus twice a week, teaching a homeschool class, homeschooling my own kids, watching/reteaching an extra kid, doing homework, being a track widow, church/women's ministry stuff, cooking, cleaning (tee hee)...

but very little running.

After about two months of pain, I finally went to the doctor. She suspected a hip flexor strain. I asked for a CT, suspecting a hernia or tear. The pain is very low on the left side. Actually the pain was radiating everywhere and I was swollen so it was hard to pin point. The CT scan said no hernias or hip joint damage. Score one for the doctor. As the swelling reduced the pain was restricted to one area. It hurt to lean against the sink to do dishes. It still hurts to sit for a long time. (Doesn't help to stay an extra hour after a 2.5 hour class to go over homework problems. I wasn't alone. There were many of us, leaving looking like zombies.)

I have fabulous running clothes that I want to wear. A new Nuu-Muu and CWX Stabilix capris. Comfy and cute. I have run in them very slow and very short distances. No pain. But slow and low. It's hard to see fellow runners and not be jealous or depressed. I am happy for them but I'm also jealous of no pain and running joy. Like gazelles. I do find joy in running. It's normally alone time outside. Dream combo.

Sometimes it comes over me in waves or like a blanket. The grief and loss. The stress of the day's schedule without the usual outlet. Sometimes I'm totally fine with it. This is a busy season and I'd hardly have the time. As I sit now icing as I do many times during the day, I remind myself that it's just a "season." Icing is nice by the way during these 80 degree spring days. As I stretch and do exercises, play outside with the kids, say "No, I can't pick you up," I remind myself that rest is best. Admittedly, it's been really hard.

So I may have to lock myself in the bathroom more often or take the dogs on more walks where even they think we are going slow, I'll "hold on to that feeling" as Journey so aptly puts it until the feeling again becomes a reality.