Journey Woes

The joy is in the journey, right?

Lately I've just found joy in Journey. They play "Don't Stop Believing" on a bunch of stations. It's on my iPod and it's on my Walkman. And it's been good. Really good. Because I need hope.

Actually, I need an endorphin slap.

Dear endorphins, I miss you. XOXO ~Riyanti

Life's full, exploding actually, like a muffin top. That's a good visual. Teaching an after school literacy class twice a week, working one night a week, taking calculus twice a week, teaching a homeschool class, homeschooling my own kids, watching/reteaching an extra kid, doing homework, being a track widow, church/women's ministry stuff, cooking, cleaning (tee hee)...

but very little running.

After about two months of pain, I finally went to the doctor. She suspected a hip flexor strain. I asked for a CT, suspecting a hernia or tear. The pain is very low on the left side. Actually the pain was radiating everywhere and I was swollen so it was hard to pin point. The CT scan said no hernias or hip joint damage. Score one for the doctor. As the swelling reduced the pain was restricted to one area. It hurt to lean against the sink to do dishes. It still hurts to sit for a long time. (Doesn't help to stay an extra hour after a 2.5 hour class to go over homework problems. I wasn't alone. There were many of us, leaving looking like zombies.)

I have fabulous running clothes that I want to wear. A new Nuu-Muu and CWX Stabilix capris. Comfy and cute. I have run in them very slow and very short distances. No pain. But slow and low. It's hard to see fellow runners and not be jealous or depressed. I am happy for them but I'm also jealous of no pain and running joy. Like gazelles. I do find joy in running. It's normally alone time outside. Dream combo.

Sometimes it comes over me in waves or like a blanket. The grief and loss. The stress of the day's schedule without the usual outlet. Sometimes I'm totally fine with it. This is a busy season and I'd hardly have the time. As I sit now icing as I do many times during the day, I remind myself that it's just a "season." Icing is nice by the way during these 80 degree spring days. As I stretch and do exercises, play outside with the kids, say "No, I can't pick you up," I remind myself that rest is best. Admittedly, it's been really hard.

So I may have to lock myself in the bathroom more often or take the dogs on more walks where even they think we are going slow, I'll "hold on to that feeling" as Journey so aptly puts it until the feeling again becomes a reality.